Life has been a rough struggle as I was laid off from my job for 2 weeks due to work being slow and currently we are going to be at 6 weeks off in a few days. I felt blessed when I was laid off in a way because the following week mom was going to get her test results in Houston at MD Anderson. I had never flown & desperately wanted to go and experience this hospital and wonderful doctors that her and daddy had spoken of. Mom's sister-in-law was supposed to go but I insisted I was going instead. She had already gone with my momma once and this was my one and only chance because mom is declining. I wanted this time to spend with my momma as well. I was able to go and I had a good time with my momma. We didn't get good results but we all knew they were going to be bad we just didn't expect them to be that bad! The first 2 weeks after we arrived back home I really did not much but sleep A LOT! Friends & family told me that I needed to do something cause depression was getting me. I have been depressed before so it is nothing new but I have gone through so much in the last few years it has all just piled up on me. I have spend nearly every night at my parents house. Mom and I usually have dinner every night. The last week and a half I have cooked all but a few meals. Mom decided she was going back to work. Yes I believe that it will be good for her to get out of the house but not to be on her feet. The DR wasn't happy about it but said she could but no more than 20 hours per week! Mom went back and since she has gone back I have watched a steady decline in her health! I HATE IT! It is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. I watched both of my grandmothers die, I have gone through a bad divorce & I found a 12 year old dead after he committed suicide and I thought those things were the end of my world but watching my mom suffer is hands down the hardest thing! Daddy says he believes mom going back to work is her way of having somewhat of a "normal" life. I AGREE! I am thankful for the time I have had with my mom and she is truly my best friend but I pray that she doesn't have to suffer in pain. So far we are "okay" and she is tolerating it without pain killers. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers!
