Middle of March...somewhere

Life has been a rough struggle as I was laid off from my job for 2 weeks due to work being slow and currently we are going to be at 6 weeks off in a few days. I felt blessed when I was laid off in a way because the following week mom was going to get her test results in Houston at MD Anderson. I had never flown & desperately wanted to go and experience this hospital and wonderful doctors that her and daddy had spoken of. Mom's sister-in-law was supposed to go but I insisted I was going instead. She had already gone with my momma once and this was my one and only chance because mom is declining. I wanted this time to spend with my momma as well. I was able to go and I had a good time with my momma. We didn't get good results but we all knew they were going to be bad we just didn't expect them to be that bad! The first 2 weeks after we arrived back home I really did not much but sleep A LOT! Friends & family told me that I needed to do something cause depression was getting me. I have been depressed before so it is nothing new but I have gone through so much in the last few years it has all just piled up on me. I have spend nearly every night at my parents house. Mom and I usually have dinner every night. The last week and a half I have cooked all but a few meals. Mom decided she was going back to work. Yes I believe that it will be good for her to get out of the house but not to be on her feet. The DR wasn't happy about it but said she could but no more than 20 hours per week! Mom went back and since she has gone back I have watched a steady decline in her health! I HATE IT! It is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do. I watched both of my grandmothers die, I have gone through a bad divorce & I found a 12 year old dead after he committed suicide and I thought those things were the end of my world but watching my mom suffer is hands down the hardest thing! Daddy says he believes mom going back to work is her way of having somewhat of a "normal" life. I AGREE! I am thankful for the time I have had with my mom and she is truly my best friend but I pray that she doesn't have to suffer in pain. So far we are "okay" and she is tolerating it without pain killers. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers!

Feb. 2009 (MOMMA UPDATE)

WELL ..... here we go again! I guess I will start from the beginning. Mom went last week and had her tests ran and she had to go back on Monday of this week and get the results. Since I have never been to Houston or flown before and I was off work for this week I had the opportunity to go. I was really excited but very nervous....

My first flight in my life I ended up flying in a storm! It was a rough and scary flight for sure. We arrived one hour behind schedule due to the weather and the rough flight. We arrived at the hospital (M.D. Anderson) and got checked in. Mom's doctor (Dr. Glover) called us back and was very wonderful. She is the sweetest person. She sat down with us and was very sincere with the way she delivered the news.

Mom's cancer was diagnosed on Feb. 5, 2007. Joplin doctors did the tests and found a tumor in the rectal area. They stated there was not much they could do for her besides just "routine" treatment but she would never make it. They at first said it didn't look like her cancer was progressed very much and probably hadn't spread but that was not the case. Once more tests were run by the doctors in Joplin we found out that there were a few spots on her liver too. We got a second opinion in Houston at M.D. Anderson and we found out that she was mis-diagnosed and she had a rare & aggressive tumor in the walls of her rectum. The tests also did show that she did in fact have it in her liver too. Anytime cancer has moved from the rectal/anal area to the liver....most of the time makes it a stage 4 which is not good! After lots of treatment mom was given the remission statement! YAY.....especially since we were told with her stage of cancer she had 6-18 months to live. For a few months we were really pleased and estatic! Mom then began to lose lots of weight and get really worn out. When it was time to re-test my daddy and I had already discussed that we knew it was back with the way she is acting. SURE ENOUGH!!! It is back and now they have found a spot in her lung but is not thinking it is cancer....they think it is "debris". Since she has started treatment again it seems the cancer has just gained so much strength that nothing is working to fight it off.

MOVING FORWARD

In November after several months of different types of treatment and nothing working and the cancer growing at a very slow pace the doctors had run out of options with treatment. They told momma & daddy that the "FIGHT WAS OVER!" They suggested to go off of chemo and spend the last few months to the fullest. They said these would be the last holidays and to enjoy them and take lots of pictures and make memories for a lifetime. MOM REFUSED! She refuses to stop treatment and says she can't just give up cause she has grandchildren to watch grow up. She continues to take treatment when her blood counts are good enough.

CURRENT TEST RESULTS:

Well the tests show that her tumor in her rectum that has kept dormant since the remission statement (almost a year) has now came back to life and is growing again. They have recommended to do another colon scope to check and see what is going on with that tumor. The tumor in her liver is much, much bigger! The spot that they thought for the last several months in her lung that was debris has now grown and another spot has now shown up too. They are now saying it is indeed cancer not "debris".

Looks like the less than 6 months to live statement in November is now seeming to be the truth. Yes we all hope for the best but we can't run from the truth! If I continue to deny what is happening I will need more than a little help when the end is here. I am not very religious but have became more within the last 6-12 months. Not only because of mom's health but the music of Jared Bayless has opened my mind up to the topic. I have listened to his music a lot lately and I find it powerful and healing!!! Please check out his music at www.myspace.com/jaredbayless or www.jaredbaylessmusic.com. I would love for him to come to Joplin, Missouri for a concert and so I can finally meet him & his clan. (ROBB especially)

Well that is the news......Not the best!

Beginning a new week

It is now Sunday evening and I have pretty much laid around the house the entire weekend with my daughter. It is so stinkin' cold outside it is just easier and more comfy to stay in the comforts of your own home if you are able to do so. Life really hasn't changed much since the last time I posted a blog. I am still working at Precious Moments and really enjoying my time there. I have had the opportunity to unload the large shipments off of the 40 foot trailers this past week. Thank goodness the weather was nice so I was able to enjoy that too. We were not in the building that I normally work in. We were down the street at the bus barn unloading the boxes and putting them on pallets and they guys were putting them up in the barn when the pallet was full. Needless to say my muscles are still talking to me! I busted a blood vessel on the inside of my hand while I was catching the boxes to put them on the pallet. I guess after 2,000 boxes the vessel couldn't handle the pressure of those boxes pounding against it. It really hurt for a few days but I think it is pretty much healed now.
I am still dating Brent and that is going really well. I am still in shock of how amazing he is and how great he treats me! If every man treated women like this there would not be a word such as DIVORCE! We went on our second date and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and then to his place to watch a movie. We watched 300 .... it was okay but not one of those movies that were just amazing to me! LOL but it was good hanging out with him in his element! I got home a little later than expected so it made or a rough day at work the next day! Our third date was actually kind of a "family date" I guess you would call it. He ordered pizza and had the Disney movie Bolt for Averi & I to watch. This was Averi's first time meeting him without the group setting like we had a Logan's about a month ago. She was pretty jealous and didn't want me to spend time with him. At first she didn't mind it and played with the dogs but once the movie started she wanted me to give her all the attention. This is going to be harder than I thought it would be but spending the rest of the weekend just her and I made her feel better about still being mommy's #1! I get to talk to Brent everyday either throuh myspace messaging or he calls and that seems to be working for the most part. It is getting us familiar with each other and helping us be more comfortable with each other.
I started reading a new book called "90 minutes in heaven" It is a true story about a pastor that was in a deadly car accident and was prounounced dead for over an hour and ended up coming back to life. He tells his story about what he witnessed and the struggle of healing for him. I am halfway through the book and I have really enjoyed it so far. For anyone who is religious and believes in the power of prayer would really enjoy this book! It has brought tears to my eyes several times! It isn't a super long book either.

Hope everyone is doing well. Hope to talk to you guys soon!

Love ya'll,
~Misti Diane~

Life continues....

Well haven't exactly kept up with this thing since my computer was gone. I have recently replaced it but had a lot of problems getting it up and going again but I now have it! YAY....THANKS TO MY UNCLE BOB AND HIS HARD DEDICATION TO FIX MY NEW COMPUTER SO I COULD USE IT! So here I am once again. I am working at Precious Moments in Carthage, MO since before Christmas. I enjoy it! I am working through the temp. agency though. Never know if it is going to stay temp. and they will let you go when they no longer need you or if they are going to just hire you on full time through the company.

The weather is super cold here and I cannot wait for spring time. I am ready for warmer weather and beautiful outdoor colors! This bold & cold of winter has got to go soon. The sooner the better for all I am concerned.

I am in the process of trying to get people known with a newer Christian musician named Jared Bayless. I love his beautiful voice and his lyrics are very powerful. I am not all that religious compared to others but I truly LOVE his work. I would love for him to be able to come to Joplin to do a show! I would like you to visit his myspace page at www.myspace.com/jaredbayless or www.jaredbaylessmusic.com. HELP ME BRING HIM TO JOPLIN, MO PLEASE!!!

Last night, January 15, 2009 was my first date with Brent. We went and watched a movie and then went to dinner at a place he works in the evenings part-time. You should have seen those high school girls staring at us! Not sure what the deal was but my friend Adrienne said it was probably that they have a crush on him and are jealous that he was with another girl. LOL You gotta love high school drama! I had a good time with Brent. He was a PERFECT gentleman the entire night! When he opened every door for me I was in complete shock! Guys in this day and age don't exactly do that anymore. He keeps this sweet guy personality going he will have me spoiled and ruined for any possible relationships in the future. He is setting the bar high!!! :)

I have had a lot of time to reflect on life and the future lately. I now live alone since I got in a HUGE fight with my brothers girlfriend on my birthday. NEEDLESS to say she moved out that night and my brother was gone the next night. Got to bring in the new year with my daughter in a quiet house! WHAT A CHANGE! I like to think that life feels like it is getting better. I sure hope it is for goodness sakes. I am spending quality time with my family, working full time at a place I enjoy, less stress, quiet house, great friends & now Brent....What more could I ask for? Gosh, I know that a few weeks ago I didn't feel this good. I want this feeling to stay for as long as possible. I am ready for a change and I think that I am finally getting there!!! Let's keep praying for the best.

Hope you guys are enjoying yourselves!!!

~Misti Diane~