Very odd day!

Today was a decent day. I was able to wake up with my daughter next to me which is such a great feeling. I dropped her off for school and then had to go and take a drug test for a job that I will be starting on Monday that will end a few days before Christmas. The day was off to a good start! When I arrived home my sister-in-law and her younger sister were reading books in the living room and got me interested in this book called "Go Ask Alice". It consists of nothing but journal writings from this young girl. It is a true story but the book was published by the girls parents who found the journals. They kept themselves anonymous due to the nature of the writings. She was a teen girl who fell into the path of drugs, alcohol and sex. It was a very long battle over a few years with the dealings of moving to a new state and going to a new school. The book is 184 pages and I had the entire book read within 5 hours. It was hard to put it down and honestly I am not much of a reader! Anyways, the book got me in a weird but quiet mood and had me reflecting on my life and the struggles we all deal with from day to day. This girl "Alice" was very confused about relationships and love and I am totally able to relate to her tonight. Just as you think you understand and you think something is about to happen for the better it disappears. Does that make sense? Anyways.....just as I have it figured out in my mind and thinking something good is going to turn out of it I am proved wrong. Why does love have to be that difficult? Why fight it when it feels so right? I am very curious! Makes me wonder why we even try. This is why it is hard for me to open up and trust people. Once you get hurt you shield your heart from getting broken again.....so when that possible right person does come along they have to scale this massive wall to even show you that they really do care and would like a chance to prove it. Many people won't even attempt to climb that wall though! I look at my grandparents and my parents and other family members that married and have stayed married to that one person. WOW why doesn't that happen much anymore? Grandpa asked my cousin and myself at Thanksgiving dinner when we were going to start picking winners that we could stay with for the rest of our lives. GOOD QUESTION! It's not like we want to end up in divorce. Sure wasn't my plan when I decided to marry that man and have a child with him. Is it the difference between how things were back then compared to now? So many things that are common in todays world were hardly talked about or known back then! How many schools back then had daycares so their teen mothers would finish school? How many schools had alternative schools for the rule breakers? How many kids were bringing guns and killing people or dealing drugs....SO MUCH HAS CHANGED! When do we get back to being able to borrow a cup of sugar from the neighbor next door? I know in my neighborhood we are all pretty close but we have all lived here together for about 10 years but even when we first moved in 10 years ago they came over and welcomed us to the neighborhood. Honestly who does that anymore? Last year during our ice storm we leaned on each other giving each other support, electricity, food, warmth, clean laundry, a warm shower! FRIENDS ARE MY FAMILY AND MY NEIGHBORS ARE MY FAMILY. 2 knocks on the door and they walk in and honestly I could care less if they even knocked. I don't have to say come in. If I am not home they know how to get in and are more than welcome to come and borrow something. I am just trying to figure out where it is going wrong. Seriously looking back 30 years to now so much has changed. Now....can you look 30 years ahead and see where we might be? SCARY THOUGHTS.....I am pondering so much right now. I think I need to start reading more often just to keep my thoughts open. I haven't had this kind of feeling in a long time. Not that I am having a good feeling at all. I am actually lost and fighting tears back. Times like this sure does make you think about the reality of life & love. Give me feedback on any parts of this and tell me your thoughts and feelings. If you know of any other books that are true stories like the one I read today please send me the titles and what they are about. I am open to new ideas!